 |
| There's a fork in it. |
Well folks, there you have it. I took my last test, my capstone project was approved (and very well received, actually), and I have even applied for graduation, and designed my announcements. Top that off with the fact that I took a survey last night that asked for my level of education-- I got to check "college grrrraduate" (trilled "r" added)-- and I think its safe to say that its pretty danged official. I'm educated. All I have to do now is show up at graduation to put a cherry on the top and weep a little when I get to walk to the graduation march. That sounds so stupid in my head but I was ridiculously proud and weepy at Hyrum's graduations, and I am no less pregnant for this, so I'm anticipating the moment taking me over. I am looking forward to it, in fact.
But for the last week, I still feel guilty every time I lay down to take a nap! "What do I need to be doing?" "What am I neglecting?" Geej has been taking mercifully long naps in the last week and I have joined her a few times. Every time though, I have to talk myself through, "No, you're done with school. It really is all over. You only have one child on the outside, and you're almost done growing the second one. Take this opportunity while it still exists, and you're exhausted from walking and breathing and sleeping all night long, so you deserve a nap, mama!" But I still end up falling asleep with the same guilty feeling I always did when I took naps during study time while I was in school. I even cleaned up the house today during Georgia's morning nap, and still felt uneasy laying down during the afternoon session. She cried for [insert the amount of time you feel it acceptable to let a toddler cry in her crib, here] and I never did get to sleep, but for the whole [...] I felt anxious like I was wasting time that needed to be dedicated to something that would make my life better.
 |
| Fern, not Heidi. |
Midwife Heidi is concerned at my level of fatigue and weakness and sent me to the hippie outlet for herbs to make me a more energetic weirdo. Hippie-accessory-peddler, Fern (I know), was overjoyed that I wanted something called Cramp Bark. Just so excited. It made me remember how boring retail can be. Anyway, despite its unforgivably misleading name, there is no chocolate in this stuff. Evidently it tastes terrible. It comes in "tincture" form, which sounds horrific, doesn't it? It makes me think I'll be swallowing the dark red stuff that my mom used to put on our skinned knees that stung like the unholy hollows of hell, and smelled like misery and endless woe.
Anyway I'm supposed to be getting over the desire to nap deeply and regularly here, soon, once I "consume the tinctures"-- I got more than one kind. And I hope it works because I expected this incredible relief at the termination of my studies. And though there was QUITE the catharsis, it seems that the stress-ghosts that lived on my shoulders from idea- impetus to culmination of my time at WGU, miss me and haunt when I am most vulnerable. I never really got anything done at night though, so I'm totally good there. I fall asleep like a... woman who is 7 months pregnant...
But for the last week, I still feel guilty every time I lay down to take a nap! "What do I need to be doing?" "What am I neglecting?" Geej has been taking mercifully long naps in the last week and I have joined her a few times. Every time though, I have to talk myself through, "No, you're done with school. It really is all over. You only have one child on the outside, and you're almost done growing the second one. Take this opportunity while it still exists, and you're exhausted from walking and breathing and sleeping all night long, so you deserve a nap, mama!" But I still end up falling asleep with the same guilty feeling I always did when I took naps during study time while I was in school. I even cleaned up the house today during Georgia's morning nap, and still felt uneasy laying down during the afternoon session. She cried for [insert the amount of time you feel it acceptable to let a toddler cry in her crib, here] and I never did get to sleep, but for the whole [...] I felt anxious like I was wasting time that needed to be dedicated to something that would make my life better.
Comments
Post a Comment