Dear Russell

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This is not Russell.  Just an example of how he might look this week.

Dear Russell,

You're getting so big!  You're the size now that baby polar bears are when they're born, so that's saying something.  Around 3 1/2 lbs.  Polar bear mothers have it easy in the gestation department. 

I don't know what you look like, or if you have hair, or what color it will be, but I keep imagining you blonde like your dad, and squishy and reptilian like most new babies are.  I mean that in the nicest possible way.

You seem more mellow than Georgia.  You don't kick as much as she did, but you have been having a hard time getting comfortable, lately.  I'm sorry about that.  Its getting cramped in here, for sure, but we'll figure it out together.  I know that hanging out with your legs upward must be weird, but it really helps me out when you do, so let's try to find a way for you to like that position, if that's ok?  Standing on my bladder makes for long days, not to mention the fact that if you hang out like that for too long, things could really get complicated.  I'm not scolding you, these are just things we should work out.

I'm looking forward to kissing your tiny fuzzy face, and holding you close to me for most of this winter.  I find myself hoping you'll have character in your hands.  For some reason I keep wondering what they'll look like, and imaging looking at your little tiny fingers and marveling at however they are.  Why your hands?  I don't know.  They're just so little-- they're so delicate and I worried every time I put clothes on your sister that I might just snap one of them by pulling her arms into her sleeves!  You're already so amazing.  If you had to come out now, those little tiny fingers would be all ready to go-- standing up to any sleeve I could put them through.

Thank you for that kick.  I like knowing you hear me when I talk.

Speaking of things that I do, I hope you don't mind the sudden bursts of light you get from time to time.  I have a really bright flashlight on my phone and I keep thinking that if I just shine it in on you at just the right angle, I'll be able to see some part of you-- see what you're up to.  It hasn't worked.

Georgia was climbing on the treadmill yesterday and I looked over at her playing alone, and I was so grateful that you're coming to be with us.  Georgia really needs someone more fun than old me to play with.  You really couldn't get here too soon.  We're so looking forward to your spirit and your presence.  We really need you around here.  We've wanted you for a long time, and its so exciting and sweet that we'll hear your voice soon, feel your warm wrinkly head, and peer at you waiting to catch a glimpse and see whose eye color you picked.  Incidentally, you can't go wrong with your dad's eyes and mine.  Who can resist sparkling blue eyes?  Nobody.  And my blue/yellow/green combination is a winner, if I do say so myself.  So whatever you get, you'll be a knockout.

I feel like I should tell you how the NBA finals are going.  Is that the difference between having a boy and a girl?  Every single thing?  :)  I'm so excited to have a new baby again, but I'm more excited to have you.  I feel such wonderful possibilities when I think about you-- which is a lot.  I pray that you'll be confident and kind, that you'll be smart and charismatic, and I pray that I'll be the kind of mom that you will need.  I hope so much that I can be there for you, and that you'll trust me and let me.

I have to be honest, I'm going to make you swim competitively.  But anything else you want to get into, whether it be other sports or art or reading, I'm here to help you be who you want to be.  Unless... you pick video games.  ...or you're left handed.   ;) Just kidding.  About the left handed thing.

I squish you around pretty frequently because I want to know where you are in there.  Here.  We're sharing this ship.  I just want to hold you in my arms and I can't seem to figure out how to just be content that we're still in this together for the next 2 months.

I love you already.  I can't wait to see your face, and count your toes.
My gosh... I just can't wait to see you and kiss you.
Stay in there as long as you need, but as soon as you're ready, I am too.

Love,
Mom

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