Collision

     I was in a traffic collision today.  I mean, it was certainly an accident, but there was fault (watch Hot Fuzz for your own good, and an explanation of the distinction).  The guy was exiting the freeway onto Foothill Boulevard headed up toward the U and never even tapped his breaks before he slammed into me, as I was slowing down for a red light.  I remember what I was thinking at every mili-moment of the accident.
     In the very beginning, as my head was flying back toward my headrest and my eyes were instinctively shut, I was confused and didn't know what was happening.  Then my head smashed into the headrest and I was thrust forward.  I realized we had been hit by the time my eyes opened, and by "we", I mean me and my perfect, squishy, soft, and angelic little baby in the middle of the back seat, and I was terrified that she had been hurt, but knew that babies often do better in car accidents than adults because of their awesome car seats.  Then I saw the white explorer in front of me stopped at the red light in my lane, realized how fast we were going, was surprised to find that my foot had been knocked off the brake and onto the floor, and I moved it back to the brake.  Then I just hoped- hoped- that I could stop by the time we got there or someone might try to ticket me for being too close, not to mention that would be another impact on Georgia.  Oh and there were probably people in it that I didn't want to hurt.  Then I knew I couldn't stop in time, even though I was pressing so hard on the brake pedal I thought I would bend it into the floor.  And then we hit the Explorer, knocking it only into the crosswalk, while my arms braced me against my seat in case my air bag deployed.  This impact was not anywhere near as bad- no air bag- but there was a 6 month old behind me who didn't know any of this was happening or why.
     My eyes shut again, but as soon as motion ceased I burst out my door to check on Georgia, already hyperventilating, and ripped open the back door to find a stunned Georgia deciding that she was not happy with what had just happened, and beginning to cry- really, really cry.
     I thrashed around to give a very specifically worded piece of my mind to the  +%#@!% *&%$#%&*-ing  *@#(^%$# who endangered my child but he was still in his car.  I hoped he wasn't hurt so I could rip his face off for him.
     The sweet old man in the explorer hopped out of his car, just fine, but gosh, just miffed as all hey-ack that he had been so inconvenienced by my inconsiderate and immature decision to run into him, lifted his arms in question and said something like, "What's goin' on?"  I, not able to really believe at this point that someone was acting like I had done something to them, just pointed at the car so far behind us that Explorer Guy hadn't even seen him.  That's how hard he hit us.

      I was a bit hysterical at this point, hyperventilating and... let's skip over that part.  I was looking for my phone to call 911 but was just not finding it.  Idiot Sweet Old Guy was just standing there looking at me like a senile jackass as I was not encountering my phone, so I stood up and shrieked, and clapped loudly with the first three words to make sure he was hearing me, "CALL THE POLICE!  I can't find my phone!  CALL!"
     Witnesses had parked by now and a family physician and a nurse came over to calm me down and check on Georgia, and another nice lady with cute hair called emergency.  I checked back to see if I could melt a little self worth of the first driver but he was still in his car so I assumed he really was hurt.  I was disappointed, and ashamed that I was disappointed.  I didn't want him to be hurt, I just wanted to call him some nasty words and instill in him an appreciation for how much he had scared me and how foolish he was to have put us all in this position.  And the adrenaline was a-flowin' which makes me want to say some things to some people.
     Family Physician gave Georgia a tentative all-clear as Nurse was talking to me about the safety of car seats.  Emergency showed up and kept trying to drag me into the ambulance but I wouldn't go.
     I was on my way to my Brother and Sister in Law's house to watch their kids so I called them as soon as I knew Georgia wasn't in imminent danger.  I had spoken to Candice several minutes before to ask the best place to turn to get to her house, and I called again to explain that I wouldn't be there.  My mother-in-law was headed there also, and not wanting to "oogle" at the accident, didn't look close enough to see my face when she drove by.  She was the only one.  I can't believe how blatantly and dangerously intent people are when they scour an accident as they drive by.  Every single driver had there eyes on my eyes, perfectly perpendicular to the road at best! as they drove by.  Not safe, people.  And super weird for the person in the accident.  I felt like a zoo animal.
     My brother-in-law was on the scene on foot in less time than it would take me to read this aloud.  It was calming to see a familiar face.  I knew I was in shock and wasn't going to be making precise decisions, and he knew I'd need someone there to help me with all of the tedious stuff that comes after an accident.  He was amazing.  Jeez if he could turn back time by... I don't know- dragging trucks down a blackened highway barefoot in death valley in July, he would do it.  I could see the desperation on his face when he came around the corner and saw me.  He wanted to help as bad as I wanted that first moron driver to get out of the car and dare to look my direction.  Randy's desire to help was from a much more pure place, though.
     A couple of police officers that were in the area had stopped to help even though they weren't the officers in charge, and they said I should be fine as far as being at fault.  I'm wary.  I'm an attorney's daughter, and somehow somebody made a police officer believe that somehow getting t-boned on her motorcycle by an idiot in his mother's Mazda was my sister's fault.  But that was in California, so...

     Anyway, my beautiful car was all over the road.  She was dragged away, and will never be the same, even if I ever get to see her again.  Hyrum came to help with logistics and to take me to the hospital to get checked out as all of the emergency workers and witnesses insisted that I do.  My head and spine hurt, and my sciatic nerve pain was back, like I experienced it while I was pregnant.  I was limping up the hill to Hyurm's car to go to the hospital.  Turns out I have a fractured vertebrae, but not from today.  I've had it for years. (No really, the U emergency department has a CAT scan of my spine from 2009 in which this fracture appears.  No, I haven't seen it.  I decided to trust the doctor, because she was pretty and I want to be her.)  Anyway according to the x-ray from today, the accident aggravated my fracture the same way my pregnancy did.  So I have to take it easy, stretch, and take some Tylenol when it bugs me.  I could to physical therapy, but I'm pretty sure yoga would be faster.
     So, you know that guy that hit me and my baby so hard that he was injured and couldn't get out of his car?  He's FINE.  He didn't get out of his car because he didn't want to talk to me.  What kind of monster causes an accident and doesn't get out to see if everyone is OK?  Special place in hell...
     And?  I am so grateful for car seats, I'm tearing up as I type it.  Be grateful to live in a time where we have these amazing tools to keep our beautiful babies safe even when there are people on the road too selfish to keep their eyes on it.  She really seems totally alright.  She was grinning and giggling at all the (wonderful) people at the U emergency room.  No, no, don't kid yourself, I'm watching her; but for the moment, I'm relaxed and quietly, gratefully, observing for any change.  Oh my gosh I was just so so scared.

Randy (exceedingly helpful brother-in-law) told me about an accident that he was in with my mother-in-law when he was a baby, which he of course does not remember.  He was in a car seat but it flipped completely over and Janet (m-i-l) was hysterical with fear.  Of COURSE she was!  Of course she was.
     I am so thankful that Georgia's ok.  I know.  ...I know.  Everyone has been in worse accidents, and with their kids, too.  But this was my first experience like this.  I have feared this day every time I've put her in the car since the day she was born.  And I am more thankful than I can express that she's as perfect as she was this morning.  She would have been, no matter what, but she's unharmed.  Thank Goodness.
     Kiss your kids.  And wear your seat belts.