Last Few Days as an Only Child

- August 16, 2013

Watching videos with Dad.

Today is one of those days when I'm tearing up over things that I normally would not. A moment ago I was reading a blog post about a young mom's need to go to dinner with her husband and not her kids, and eat her own food while its hot and look into her husband's eyes and talk to him, and I teared up. I really like restaurants.

But thinking about my little girl and my last few days with just her is a little more justifiable, I think, in the "getting weepy" arena. Now, we're having Russell very very much on purpose. That purpose is him and Georgia. She needed a sibling, and we wanted them to be close in age, and I am genuinely overjoyed to have him nigh at the doors, but these are my last days with my little girl as my little girl. The reality that she's a big sister hasn't set in, and I haven't had to scold her for hitting the baby in the face, yet. She's still just my little angel, and she gets all of me for just a little longer.

The other day, Friday, I think, I said a prayer that sprung out of fear-- terror. It hit me all of the sudden, that there would be two of them. That Georgia's naps will continue in some form, but that there will be another person's naps to think about. Without going into too much detail, I got scared that it would be hard. Well, of course it will be hard, but the kind that is... really hard?

So, I said a prayer, expressing my fear, and expressing my regret that I haven't prayed more lately, and asking for help. I asked for forgiveness for not speaking with Him more when things are under control, and when we're eating but it doesn't feel like dinner because we're not sitting at the table because I had to put the chairs away because Georgia loves to climb on them and onto other things off of which she inevitably falls. So we don't pray over food a lot, and I asked forgiveness for that, and for help. I meant it, too-- all of it. I'm scared, I'm sorry, and I need help.

Well what happened on Saturday? Georgia folded her arms. She was sitting happily in her high chair and I set her food down in front of her, and she folded her arms, and looked at me, challengingly, like, "What are you going to do? What will you use this moment for?" So we said a prayer on her food. She said "Eh-meeen", she took a bite, and folded her arms again. This time we said a prayer of thanks, and asking that we will be happy and kind. She took another bite, and folded her arms again. This went on until we had prayed a lot of gratitude, prayed for Daddy, and prayed that Russell would come when he is ready, and that he'll be healthy and strong when he does. It was amazing. She seemed content when she had about finished her food, and then made the sign for "all done" and "down" and toddled off to play with her star stacker toy. I just sat there (on the arm of one of the family room chairs) watching her play quietly and marveling at how blessed I am to have her.

I am so blessed to have so many things, but today I wanted to write about my little lady, and how much I love her. She is so beautiful and I have loved the last 18 months that we got to spend together, just girls.