Dubai: No Buried Lead in This One

Let me get straight to the point, here. Dubai is overwhelming. I lived in New York City when I was 18 years old (cough cough that was in 2001) and it was overwhelming before anyone did anything crazy. What I'm saying, I guess, is that I have experienced a place that is in its nature, overhwelming. But its surprising to experience it. Dubai isn't one of the world's biggest and most central cities. It isn't a world power in itself because of its proximity to shipping routes and its luck in its landscape in relation to the drift of human history. Dubai was, according to my native guide,

 "...sand, until 1973. Literally just sand."

This trip that began with Taylor Swift and ended at the Great Pyramids, had a long layover in Dubai. It was just a layover and wasn't supposed to be this whole experience. Although I was really excited to go there. 

Okay let's get on with it. Flying for days on end is awful, so my genius and sweet-as-candy-to-my-soul-sweet-you-rock-and-sweet-you-roll husband booked Russ and myself long layovers that made the flights from Paris to Nairobi and from Nairobi home not so destructive to our persons. 

We stopped in Dubai very early in the morning and had a gentleman named Adnan pick us up in his van (no, it's fine) and drive us around and tell us stuff about Dubai. We get in the car and its already 103,000 degrees outside. Adnan gets started on his speech and begins with the airport. 

"Emerates Airways is the biggest airline in the world. It is owned by the UAE government and its the biggest in the world. Soon the Dubai airport will be the biggest in the world. It is currently in (x) place, but by 2026 it will be the biggest airport in the world." 

My mind is running what it thinks are numbers but are actually just general perceptions of how many people I think actually come through here, and the biggest airports I've been to, and the nicest, and how I feel about great big airports, and I say, cutting him off mid-sentence, probably, "Why?" 

"Sorry?" 

"Why does the King want the biggest airport in the world?" 

Adnan smiles like I just hit a tennis ball gently back at him over a net. 

"The King was in an interview with (famous something) and they asked him this question. They said, 'Why do you have to have the biggest and the best of everything?' And His Majesty smiled and answered with two words. He said, 'Why not?'" 

Dubai is just a baby place with billions and billions- just obscene amounts of money from oil and gold. And, it turns out, tourism. Adnan asserts that the number one money-maker in Dubai is tourism. <side eye> So His Majesty, it is said, thought to His Majestic self, that the oil could run out someday <side eye>, so they should make Dubai into a place that makes money another way. Ergo, the biggest and the best of things that people will travel to see. ...or stop on their way to other places and spend a little dough. 

I am still a little dubious at this point of this plan and its possibility of execution because I have the world experience and understanding of a toddler and as an American Citizen, I can't just believe things that aren't about 'Merca. That's how I felt a couple hours later, anyway, and also looking back. The toddler thing. I was wrong, is what I'm saying, to doubt Adnan.

 

He drove us to a thing... That incredibly I have never heard of. It's a really cool idea. It's a picture frame- an enormous picture frame that if you were to lay it down, would surround and also be the first few levels of the bleachers for a major league(?) soccer game. Like- bigger than a football feild. (side bar: I find it deliciusly giggly at how much others laugh at us for measurng things in footall fields. It IS abitrary and so American that I wouldn't change it for anything. Because of how its benign... and we could use a little more of that.) So, its like, really pretty. Its not an office building, or anything. My American captialist-brain just keeps going "But why? How are you making money off of this to pay for it, and make it worth the effort? Why? How?" Its just an observatory and you can pay a few bucks to go up and look out of it. But its like- in the shadow of the Burj Khalifa, so...? 

Well its an artistic way to connect "Old Dubai" (20 years or older) to New Dubai. Its along the expressway that divides the two, and you can like- look through it. 

 Adnan. Bless him. He knows what he's doing. He explains all of this and tells us it took x number of months to complete, and then he sorta pauses just a little and says, looking right at me, "And it cost $262,000,000." 

*Blink.* 

 *looks at the picture frame* 

*actual fear that it might be...* 

"Is that thing... gold?" 

And Adnan smiled. "The picture frame is 22 carat gold, from our mines in Dubai." 

It was like 7:25 in the morning and no one was around, and it was closed, and we couldn't go in it, and it had this roadside Dinosaur attraction vibe going on. But... They had spent... It was covered in... I don't know how to describe it. I had to get out of the van to look at it, but it was too bright (lol of course it was) to even really look directly at it. I would not have guessed it, but to be in the presence of something worth so much money, that was made to just stand there by the freeway and... What? What is its purpose?! 

 The sculpture of the balloon dog and the mirror bean thing in Chicago are just there to be neat-o... It's like how Kim Kardashian's toddler son damaged a diamond-encrusted solid-gold chain he had, and Ellen DeGeneres said to Kim Kardashian, "Well it's not real..." 

And Kim said, "Yes it is!" 

I didn't feel the despair of waste at the time. I didn't feel upset, but I wanted to cry? I couldn't figure out why. And I still don't think it was the wastefulness that got me because gold's only value is what we put on it. It just felt like- looking at King Tut's sarcophagus. The immensity. Something so much bigger than anything I have conceived of, came together and successfully planned and then carried out this thing. And WHY? It was a lot for that early in the morning. 

Us alone in the Burj Khalifa

Then we went to the Burj Kalifa. Wow. Now, this I can wrap my head around. Its a mall, its hotels, its THE BIGGEST FISHTANK IN THE WORLD and offices and apartments and several observation locations, and gift shops (hello $3 fresh coissant- yum). This thing is paying for itself. 

 But oh it is so high. We only went up 124 floors of the 163, but floor-to-ceiling windows are very effective at giving a person a view. I don't remember it feeling like I couldn't move my legs right, but Russ took a video of me walking up to the windows and I look like I have cement goulashes on. My body has a thing with heights that she does not share with my brain. She does not like heights, and she does her best to reject them. Who could blame her? Heights are deadly and who can trust see-through things? Not this body. She's no dummy. 

There was an outdoor observation area but by this time it was like 108 degrees and the glass around the outdoor area acts like a greenhouse and it just felt dangerous to be out there from a broiling perspective. 

I'd like to mention here, that the Burj was not open at this time. One of the most interesting set of facts about this place was Adnan, himself. Stay with me here. Adnan is a citizen of Dubai. That is extraordinarily rare. In the mid-to late 1800's the Bedouins that lived in Abhu Dabi lost their Sheikh and the sons all wanted to rule, so one of them left that sand and moved the other sand and called it Dubai. There were 330 people in that family. Every current citizen of Dubai is a direct descendant of that tribe. Adnan got us into the biggest building in the world with a text message because he's part of an absurdly exclusive group of people in one of the wealthiest little blips in the world. We were the lone visitors to the upper decks. 

 A little middle eastern gossip: Qatar announced that they're building the tallest building in the world. Dubai had already started construction on their next iteration of the tallest building in the world, so they paused construction. When Qatar announces how tall theirs is going to be, Dubai will quietly build theirs alongside, until Qatar opens theirs. Then Dubai will confirm the height and build theirs higher. 

"Well if you know this, Adnan, why doesn't Qatar know and just adjust to beat Dubai?" 

"Oh", he replied, "I'm a Dubai citizen, so I know things that most people don't." 

Well well well... Ahem. This is just between us. LOL just kidding, no one reads this. 

We drove up to the King's palace. Evidently this guy drives his own car, has no escort, and if you wave at him, more often than not, he stops to chat and take a selfie. We were too early or you know I would have... respectfully waved and let him go about his day. 

Then, my holy lands, we went to the "most beautiful building in the world." The museum of the future.

There is allegedly a flying car upstairs. Its build with no internal posts. It just levitates above the city traffic. Oh, people were awake by this point. A lot of them. This place was overwhelming like the picture frame. 

Look- where I come from there's 300 whole years of history in which people built things and there were some very rich people who owned things like mountain ranges that they just bought after The Builder was done. We don't have oil money just building total absurdities, left right and center. 

The writing on the outside is a poem that the crown prince wrote. I don't remember what it's about, but something about the greatness of art and Dubai. I could look it up but the fact that a dude went to architecture school and then said, "Build this and put this on the outside." and then people did that because his dad is the king, and that that happened during my lifetime is, for some reason, more than I can handle. 

I once directed a choir and when I lifted my hands and brought the piano in and people started singing, I was surprised by the power I felt. So, there's something in that. 

We went to the gold market. So much gold. Tempting, but no. 

We visited the spice market. Souk.

Mr. Spice walked us around and pointed out, explained, extolled and wafted stuffs after stuffs. To our western noses, this was akin to doing battle with our instincts to yuck their yum. I hated 98% of all of these smells, I am ashamed to admit. I had to explain to his crest falling, that we drink neither tea nor coffee, but we find it all very interesting. 

Doing these things with a 10-year-old gives it different eyes at unexpected times. In the spice market, Russell looked right into a guy's face and asked, "What's the worst-smelling thing here?" 

I was about to tackle him and cover his mouth and apologize, but the spice-monger was actually excited to show Russell the stinkiest thing in the place. Turns out most people are boringly polite, and this was a unique opportunity. 

He went behind a shelving unit and got a jar out. He had Russell prepare because he couldn't have it open for too long, or the store would clear out from the stench. So he said to Russell, "Are you ready? Okay here we go." He opened it. Russell leaned in, he took what promised to be a deep sniff, and got just a sn in, and made a horrible sound and coughed and coughed and it was hilarious. The guy had quickly closed the jar. As this was happening, the other guys in the market caught on and started watching. They all cackled with laughter. They turned and asked if I wanted to smell. I did. The same thing started again. "Are you ready?" "Yes" Leaning. Snnnnnope. I tried to sniff, but as soon as the smell of what felt like human rot hit just the tip end of the olefactories in my ski-jump, my body rejected this profound offense and I invouluntarily forcibly exhaled making an equally hideous noise in the process, all to more riotous gaffaws from the spice boys. This was the best thing to happen to them in at least a week. 

They explained (the other spicies were involved, now), that they use this to settle stomachs. They know that it smells, and indeed tastes, awful, but to them, it just smells like medicine, now. But they all remember not being used to it and losing trust in their mothers when it was pulled out for the first few times. They almost seemed nostalgic to being sickened by it instead of relieved. What a sweet, unexpected and delightful interaction. Their grins were absolutely darling. These were all grown men, but they were transformed back to 10-year-old boys when Russell opened his mouth and acted like a kid. It was one of the brightest spots of the whole epic journey. 

We went to the world's only 7-star hotel. It is 10 times bigger than I thought it was. The helipad is so big that a guy landed a plane on it, and then took off again. It was a world record (natch), but still. If you book the penthouse, for reportedly $5000 a night, they ask your favorite colors and redecorate the entire thing according to your taste. They gave the example of everything being pink. It was fun to imagine. 

At this point in the day, Russell and I were literally falling asleep on our feet, so we dreamily glided through the rest. Not only because the sweating was an issue. I had to forcefully shake him to wake him for this. I was conflicted, but I think I made the right choice. Though... I don't think he remembers this part. Russ told me that he opened his eyes as much as he could to take the picture in front of the hotel. They were completely shut for each of the 12 pictures. 

Just us and our ferry.  Note the stuffed ferry in the background.

Adnan then waltzed up to a dock where a group of people were standing in line with tickets and cramming onto an open-air boat. He said like 3 words...counting... 4 words- "We need a ferry"- and a guy hopped to, fired up a ferry and took just us across the canal. WHO IS THIS GUY? 

Dubai is named for this canal. It is saltwater, but it flows with the tide. This was Old Dubai. The part that is like almost 50 years old in a couple spots. It looks exactly like the Indiana Jones set from the outdoor show they do at Disney's Hollywood Studios. 

Adnan said that this "less expensive" part of the city is where a lot of the laborers live. The King has allowed them to continue to dry their laundry on lines on their balconies, to remind everyone of their history- of how Dubai came from sand. It's for keeping them humble. Drying their clothes on their balconies. The horror. 

And then Adnan, reading the room, took us back to the airport and wished us well, and a good nap. 

The airport is so awesome. We needed time to figure out a Visa situation to go to Kenya and a few other things, and we found a huge alcove with comfy chairs, free Wi-Fi, and unlimited free Xbox games. I got to work, and Russ immediately found a friend, who was utterly plussed to learn that he spoke English, and they played video games until I got us sorted out and it was time to board. 

It was like drinking from a solid gold water hose. And it was worth every second.

Gold. The biggest gold ring in the whole world.  And a very tired kid.