Runnin' Fool
Well I'm on Day 6 of my running(jogging) plan, and I haven't missed a day! I cannot express what an accomplishment this is for me.
This afternoon I returned home from work and school to a house roughly the temperature of every place outside in the vicinity. We only heat our house enough to keep the pipes from freezing because there's only two of us and we're really not here and awake enough to feel justified in being, well... comfortable. As a person who is alternately pragmatic and obsessively snugly, this presents a problem for me. Add to this, the fact that I haven't been feeling my best, I haven't been sleeping extremely well, and I went a few days without "eating sugar"*, and you might understand my near meltdown today. I wont go on about how I really do think that I have an abnormal dependence on sucrose and the like, but I'm trying to quit. I got home, I was tired, I was sleepy, and I was hungry. I could have had a crisp, cold, delicious red apple, but, alas, they were cold. All I wanted in the whole wide world was a waffle, and the waffle iron was still out on the counter from when we used it yesterday so it seemed a natural choice. So I flipped the switch on the iron to heat it up, mixed up some of the Lehi Roller Mills mix that my Mum gave us on Christmas and realized that the iron was not plugged in, and was still covered in a thin layer of frost (exaggeration).
In a way that was much worse than usual because I was most starkly alone, I flipped my lid. I plugged in the thing, and ripped open the freezer and in a way that reminded me even in the moment of Goofy's Mr. Wheeler, pawed everything out of the way of the frozen Christmas cookie stash, and shoved a highly disappointing chocolate chip cookie ice cube in my mouth and loudly chewed away my mania. I was out of control, and that's kinda weird for me.
I was going to go on about the food that I ate after that but I remember from 9th grade health class with Ms. Nikol, that only people with eating disorders itemise all the food they eat every day, and talk about it every chance they get.
After I finished my waffles with syrup and margarine I was scheduled to go to the climbing gym, and meet my beloved and bes' good friend for a good climb. Today's running schedule upped the distance I had to run to stay on course, so I had that ahead of me, and once again, I was freezing. I left my big trusty puffy coat at the salon so I'd have to tough it out. I hate hate hate hate hate to tough it out. I hate to be cold. I was tired, but at least I wasn't hungry. So I went, knowing that I'm always happy once I'm warm.
It took a few minutes but after I said my "hellos", I went and ran. I almost texted my 24 hour on-call P.E. support, Jamie and Kim to give me a pep talk in the first few minutes on account of how miserable I was. But I remembered that Valerie Bertinelli said that the first 20 minutes are awful, but then its great. And I know that. Which means that someone else knows that, which means I'm not alone, and I decided to tough that out. Long story short, I ended my run with a good sprint, and I was warm, and I felt happy, bright, capable and pretty.
I chirped to Hyrum that I felt "Like- a thousand times better. Like a million!" And I do. I really do. Its incredible what a total 180 occurred inside my mind after a short little jog. I didn't exhaust myself either. I did a set of climbs that I felt good about, and now I have enough of whatever chemical in my head that makes me want to write about my day to do so.
My husband made me dinner and its getting cold so I have to finish. But I'm so so grateful for the way the body works. I'm SO grateful that we can get warm when we're cold, we can feel happy when we want to fall into an eternal sleep, and we can accomplish when we feel helpless. I don't know how it all works (that's the fool part), but I am glad I have to means to keep on doing it (the running part).
*(this of course means "dessert" but so as to be more broad and exclusive we [I] say "sugar")
This afternoon I returned home from work and school to a house roughly the temperature of every place outside in the vicinity. We only heat our house enough to keep the pipes from freezing because there's only two of us and we're really not here and awake enough to feel justified in being, well... comfortable. As a person who is alternately pragmatic and obsessively snugly, this presents a problem for me. Add to this, the fact that I haven't been feeling my best, I haven't been sleeping extremely well, and I went a few days without "eating sugar"*, and you might understand my near meltdown today. I wont go on about how I really do think that I have an abnormal dependence on sucrose and the like, but I'm trying to quit. I got home, I was tired, I was sleepy, and I was hungry. I could have had a crisp, cold, delicious red apple, but, alas, they were cold. All I wanted in the whole wide world was a waffle, and the waffle iron was still out on the counter from when we used it yesterday so it seemed a natural choice. So I flipped the switch on the iron to heat it up, mixed up some of the Lehi Roller Mills mix that my Mum gave us on Christmas and realized that the iron was not plugged in, and was still covered in a thin layer of frost (exaggeration).
In a way that was much worse than usual because I was most starkly alone, I flipped my lid. I plugged in the thing, and ripped open the freezer and in a way that reminded me even in the moment of Goofy's Mr. Wheeler, pawed everything out of the way of the frozen Christmas cookie stash, and shoved a highly disappointing chocolate chip cookie ice cube in my mouth and loudly chewed away my mania. I was out of control, and that's kinda weird for me.
I was going to go on about the food that I ate after that but I remember from 9th grade health class with Ms. Nikol, that only people with eating disorders itemise all the food they eat every day, and talk about it every chance they get.
After I finished my waffles with syrup and margarine I was scheduled to go to the climbing gym, and meet my beloved and bes' good friend for a good climb. Today's running schedule upped the distance I had to run to stay on course, so I had that ahead of me, and once again, I was freezing. I left my big trusty puffy coat at the salon so I'd have to tough it out. I hate hate hate hate hate to tough it out. I hate to be cold. I was tired, but at least I wasn't hungry. So I went, knowing that I'm always happy once I'm warm.
It took a few minutes but after I said my "hellos", I went and ran. I almost texted my 24 hour on-call P.E. support, Jamie and Kim to give me a pep talk in the first few minutes on account of how miserable I was. But I remembered that Valerie Bertinelli said that the first 20 minutes are awful, but then its great. And I know that. Which means that someone else knows that, which means I'm not alone, and I decided to tough that out. Long story short, I ended my run with a good sprint, and I was warm, and I felt happy, bright, capable and pretty.
I chirped to Hyrum that I felt "Like- a thousand times better. Like a million!" And I do. I really do. Its incredible what a total 180 occurred inside my mind after a short little jog. I didn't exhaust myself either. I did a set of climbs that I felt good about, and now I have enough of whatever chemical in my head that makes me want to write about my day to do so.
My husband made me dinner and its getting cold so I have to finish. But I'm so so grateful for the way the body works. I'm SO grateful that we can get warm when we're cold, we can feel happy when we want to fall into an eternal sleep, and we can accomplish when we feel helpless. I don't know how it all works (that's the fool part), but I am glad I have to means to keep on doing it (the running part).
*(this of course means "dessert" but so as to be more broad and exclusive we [I] say "sugar")
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