Dear Gemma

Dear Gemma,

Sigh  :) I am so looking forward to seeing your face.  I am so excited to play with your fingers and toes, and kiss your tiny head and little face one hundred times a day.  Will you be skinny?  Will you be tall?  Do you have hair?  I want to pinch your thin little newborn skin and roll you up in a soft little scarf-thing and take pictures of your preciousness so I can never forget your tiny perfect little details.  I hope you have that little ball in the middle of your top lip that most newborns have.  I'm a sucker for the newborn-upper-lip-ball.  I have your blanket set aside, and I got your swimsuit all ready... I have a lot of fun and exciting things going on right now, but Baby Gem, I am more excited about you than all of the other things in the world that without you and your daddy and siblings, would have the job of filling my soul.  Those other things are nothing compared to you.

I'm excited to see the looks on the faces of your big brother and sister when they first see you, and I can't wait to hear what Georgia is going to say.  Nana is always so in love the second she meets a new baby, and she is anxiously awaiting you, just like so many others. 

You're so big these days- at least that's how it feels.  Just now you moved a little and twanged my bottom ribs.  Its surprising how much room a mother's body can make for a baby- and even though you probably aren't large for a newborn, there comes a point (there has come the point) when it gets a little tight in here for both of us.  In the evenings when I settle down next to daddy in front of the computer or the TV, you roll around and, it seems, try to get situated for a long night of tossing and turning right along with me.  We watch you and feel you and push on your little feet.  Sorry, about that.  We can't help ourselves.

When we were at Travis (Air Force Base) in California for Great Grandma Alta's memorial, I settled down in the evening after the pizza party at uncle Mel's house, and Aunt Rachel and Uncle Sean came over and just watched you move around for like 10 solid minutes.  There were feet and hands going this way and that, and shoulders sticking out and your little tiny baby bum trying to get into a good spot.  We had such a good time with you.  I wonder if you could hear us laughing, or if you were so busy that you missed it.  I like to think that you were trying to make us laugh some more; it sure seemed like you were doing it on purpose.  Get used to the sound of that laughter.  There's a whole life to be lived, full of it.

I will explain a few things that you will have to explain for your entire life, about your name.  Gemma is a Spanish name, pronounced "HHHEM-muh".  The "G" isn't just a "Huh", its gutteral like when we make fun of German.  "Hggem-uh".  We call you "JEM-muh" because we're Americans and when I talk about my mission, I don't say "Madrrrithhh", you read me? 

You are named after a young woman I knew on my mission named Gemma Rivas.  She lived in Alcazar de San Juan, and she was the Relief Society president, at about age 23.  There had been hurt feelings and a lot of people had decided to stop coming to church.  She gave talks in Sacrament meeting every other week, taught Relief Society the other weeks, and lead the music, and did all of the visiting teaching, and stayed positive and lovely despite the negative things that people said about her family.  She was engaged to Raul, who was the only full-time missionary to leave from the Alcazar branch, and he had served in Greece.  They asked me to sing at their civil ceremony, held on October 2, 2005.  They will have been married 10 years this October.

Gemma and Raul weren't just lovely, they were awesome.  They were hilarious, and understanding of a young sister who had a handle on Spanish, but still wasn't very personable.  They used their civil ceremony (before their sealing in the Madrrithhh temple) as a missionary opportunity to pack all of their friends into their tiny chapel and teach a lesson on eternal marriage.  And their wedding announcement was a Return of the King poster with their faces replacing all of the characters, including Golom.  Ha!  I have it somewhere... I'll add a picture when I run across it.

When Gemma's father, Antonio, told us about the name Gemma, he looked so lovingly at her.  He had joined the church as a young man who had been a devout Catholic all his life.  I don't fully understand the Saints and how they work, but I think he explained that "his Saint" was Gemma, and he always knew that if he had a daughter, that would be her name.  The way that he looked at her, you could see dreams having come true- spiritual whisperings manifested.  He and Hermana Rivas also had 2 sons, but Gemma was Antonio's (forgive me) most precious gem. I loved the name so much from that moment, and I thought that would be a good name for my newest little girl.

I thought about the name for Georgia, but couldn't get my mind around pronouncing it wrong all the time.  That was just because it wasn't her name- its yours.

Little Love, I am anxious to hear from you.  I am visualizing a perfectly peaceful entrance for you.  Please know that as soon as you are ready, I am ready for you.  :)  I think we'll both sleep better when we can stretch out a little.  I'm a little worried about... well, I was worried about a few little things, but I feel ready now. 

He melted a little.

Today is my wedding anniversary and I forgot about it entirely until Aunt Julia congratulated me.  I called daddy and he had forgotten, too.  We are just so looking forward to meeting your little mug, that we have forgotten about other things that used to be really really important to us.  I hope you'll take that as a compliment.

Georgia, Russell and I built a big snowman today in the shape of Bay-Max, from Big Hero 6.  We have so much fun, little one.  You're going to love it here.

I'm not perfect.  I am learning as we go along, just like you.  But I love you so much, and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you know that no matter what.  Daddy and I want you to have every opportunity, and all the support you need for anything you want to be.

I love you so much.  And I want you to know that this is the first post I've written since your big sister was born that wasn't interrupted by someone waking up from their nap.  You must be a pretty special little girl.

Love,
Mom